Sonnet 2 (Real Love) 9/4/14

I prayed, how I prayed, to find me a love,

Before long there was a knock at the door,

I thought I have my answer from above,

As it turned out it was worse than before.

But a few months later I received some news,

That I really had never expected,

A new life, how could I ever refuse?

My life would forever be affected.

                                                                                

Yet the love I thought had been meant to be,

Was one of pain and devoid of all joy,

Then suddenly the lightning would strike me,

I realized it was my blue-eyed boy.

My boy who will always make my heart smile,

Who makes every day even more worthwhile.

For: my son

6/3/14-9/4/14 TLA

Sonnet 1 (Closure)

The years go by without ever seeing,

And never knowing what happened that night,

Were you watching me as I was fleeing?

Or turn away as I ran out of sight?

It wasn’t my choice to turn and run out,

That decision made completely by you.

Whatever the reason; love, hate or doubt,

The answer was something I never knew.

I’ve come to realize after all these years,

The truth is something I’ll never know.

It’s time to put away sadness and tears,

And bring all those memories to a close.

The time has come to pack away the pain,

Leaving memories before that night came.

6/2/14 TLA

Autumn (Rondeau)

Waiting for autumn to show its face,

The heat of the summer it will replace.

The changing leaves they sit atop,

Multi-colored before they drop,

To float to the ground with grace.

The air gets crisp with just a trace,

Of the heat of the summer in this place,

And very soon they will make the swap,

Waiting for autumn to show its face.

For the Earth is ready to slow its pace,

Slowing down from summer’s warm embrace,

Readying itself for the first raindrop,

Knowing it’s time for the heat to stop.

The poor scorched Earth it will erase,

Waiting for autumn to show its face.

6/1/14 TLA

*First attempt at Rondeau poem

Goodbye (Villanelle)

Goodbye

Sometimes you have to say goodbye,

To those you meet along the way,

Then they’re gone and we never learn why.

Some are gone in the blink of an eye,

They’re here and then they go away,

Sometimes you have to say goodbye.

We rage, we cry, we try to deny,

We get on our knees and pray,

Then they’re gone and we never learn why.

Others linger, they will defy,

They do all they can to stay,

Sometimes you have to say goodbye.

But, no matter how hard they try,

They eventually fade away,

Then they’re gone and we never learn why.

Some walk away, others die,

There are things you never get to say,

Sometimes you have to say goodbye,

Then they’re gone and we never learn why.

6/1/14 TLA

*First attempt at Villanelle poem.

Reflection

That reflection that I see each day,

The one that always stares my way.

Why can’t I accept the one who stares,

Why must I continue to always compare?

Why can’t I change it; the one that I see?

Why can’t I accept the one that is me?

6/1/14 TLA

Decisions

If I could only have one wish,

Would I go back and change the past?

Would I change the mistakes that I have made,

Or leave the die as cast?

Would I choose another path,

And start is all anew?

Or would I own up to all my mistakes,

Of which there are more than a few.

Would I keep the love as is,

All the love and pain and sorrow?

Or would I give it all away,

To have a new tomorrow?

But all I am and all I’ll be

Is based on what I’ve sown.

So I think I’ll leave it all intact,

Everything that I have known.

6/1/14 TLA

Slumber

Unto slumber I must go,
To dream the dream that no one knows,
While loneliness continues to grow,
Dreams of those from long ago.
They never leave, they haunt your mind,
A bit of peace you'll never find,
The past and present are entwined,
The past cannot be left behind.
In the light you think you're free,
But in life there's no guarantee,
Close your eyes and the dreams will be,
All the things you don't want to see.

5/27/14 TLA

Lines

There’s a fine line,

Between love and hate,

The space in between is lies.

Lies that spill forth,

Without any guilt,

And always in disguise.

Disguised as the truth,

It’s so hard to tell,

Even within your eyes.

Eyes that deceive,

Just as your lips,

And the truths that they revise.

Revise the line,

And the line gets crossed,

And all that’s left are lies.

TLA 5/7/14

January 31, 2014

Startled awake by a boom,
Wondering what's happened,
And whether I should get up.
I lay there waiting,
And here is comes again.
It starts out low and intensifies,
Until it's booming over my head,
And I can feel it in my nerves.
I lay there and listen,
While it runs its course,
Seeing the light flash,
Behind my closed eyes.
It calms and I drift back to sleep.

January 30, 2014

Will there ever come a day,
When I can stop sabotaging myself,
And do the things I know need to be done?
Will there ever come a day,
When I can overcome myself,
And be exactly what I want to be?

January 29, 2014

Shoulders tighten,

Neck stiffens,

Head feels like it will burst.

You try to grasp hold,

Before it all blows,

But acid flows out in waves,

Before you know what happened.

January 28, 2014

Get out of my dreams,
Leave me alone,
You should have been gone,
A long time ago.
Leave me in peace,
Let me move on,
Stay out of my dreams,
Let it be done.

January 27, 2014

Yes, I deliberately didn't acknowledge,
What I knew the other day to be,
As much as I wanted to.
It's time to lay the past to rest,
And stop coming back to it,
In the loneliness of the night.

January 26, 2014

So far away from home,
And just want to make it back.
Your eyes tell you they're not up for it,
But you know you can't rest until you're there.
Struggle through it,
Fight it all the way,
Tell yourself you'll make it,
And then grab some caffeine.

January 25, 2014

Eyes barely open, 

Trying so hard to hold on

But losing with each passing minute.

Eye lids get heavy, 

Slowly closing,

Finally out for the count.

January 24, 2014

Such a long day,

Feels like it will never end.

In a week full of long days, 

So glad it's Friday.

January 23, 2014

So much work,
So little time.
You can only do,
What you can do.
Never enough hours,
In the day or the night.

January 22, 2014

Too many people complaining,
And not enough who are grateful.
You think you have it rough?
Open your eyes and see what you have.
Open up your mind and appreciate
That which is before you.

January 21, 2014

The only sound is the dryer.

The kids are tucked away,

While the cats are resting up, 

Resting up for their nightly adventures.

For now I sit and enjoy the mostly silence.

The dryer stops, signaling.

It's time to turn in.

January 20, 2014

Oh, Juno,
Sweet Juno!
Please stop eating and clawing my things,
Just because you're mad or bored.

January 19, 2014

Take me as I am,
Or don't take me at all.
Don't expect me to change.
I've been there,
I've done that,
I won't do it again.

January 18, 2014

Another year older,
And hopefully another year wiser.
I'm not afraid of wrinkles,
I'm not afraid of growing old.
I will be happy to have the opportunity,
To be here as long as I'm allowed,
And savor all the time I have.

January 17, 2014

Taking a trip back in time,
To look at all the faces.
Some I remember,
Some I don't.
Memories rush by,
I grab the ones that let me.
Time goes so swiftly by,
Grab them while you can.

January 16, 2014

Running, running, running,
Just wanting a break,
Just a moment of rest.
A little me time,
With nothing to do,
But there's always something,
Something that needs to be done,
And done right now... or yesterday.

January 15, 2014

My sweet Gator,
Who has been through so much
In her 15 short years.
I have loved her like she was mine,
And it never mattered that we shared no blood.
Our bond is stronger than the blood.
We had a choice.
She is my daughter,
I am her mother.
And what others think is not relevant.
Happy Birthday,
My sweet Caity.

January 14, 2014

Dreaming of a friend,
In a situation that may have crossed my mind,
But know I'm not his type.
So I never mention,
That there are any thoughts such as these.
And we remain....
Friends.

January 13, 2014

From her heart-shaped face,
That reminds me of love,
To her beautiful eyes,
That she says are ugly.
To her mouth,
That she thinks is too small,
But I think is perfect.
To the beautiful girl before me,
That grows more beautiful with time.
To the first time,
That I held her in my arms.
A tiny, beautiful little creature,
That I never thought would come.
To the independent girl,
That is growing up too fast.
I love you.

January 12, 2014

His little gap-tooth smile,
The sparkle in his eyes,
The little freckles on his nose,
My little surprise.
With one look at this face,
He makes my heart sing,
He makes my heart happy,
My little everything.

January 11, 2014

Sitting in silence,
Waiting for the ball to drop,
Flinching with every move,
Eggshells under your feet.
Don't say a word,
Don't make eye contact,
And maybe it will blow over,
Instead of turning into,
Day after day of silence.

January 10, 2014

All those years of waiting.
Waiting for a call, a text, an email.
None has ever come.
16 long years,
And never an explanation.
No explanation for why,
Only an apology,
But never a reason,
And never any closure.

January 9, 2014

Where is the rain?
Why won't it come?
The clouds come to tease,
But nothing ever falls.
Everything wilts, waiting,
For that which never comes.

January 8, 2014

Another year has slowly crept by,
Another year I have made it.
Through trials and tribulations,
Through joy and laughter.
Watching my children grow,
Thankful for the opportunity,
To have a front row seat
To the process.

January 7, 2014

If only we could go back,
To the old times, the fun times.
Before responsibilities
Robbed us of our time.

January 6, 2014

If there is freewill,
How can I already have a chosen path?
No, it is my path to forge,
My mistakes to make,
My consequences to accept.

January 5, 2014

Sometimes you look at a person,
And you don't realize the mask they wear.
Then slowly the mask starts to slip,
And you see the monster underneath.
That's when you turn around.
Turn around and walk away,
Never to look back.

January 4, 2013

Barely a sound.
There's no fruit rushing by,
And the forklifts are few.
Sometimes there's a horn,
And sometimes there's a shout.
Something crashes out back,
And in the background,
Just a hint of music playing.
It's not like weekdays,
Where you can't even
Hear yourself think.

January 3, 2014

Total silence.
The infield with no players,
The goal posts with no goals.
All is quite for the moment,
Until break is complete,
And the children take over,
Once again.

January 2, 2014

The railroad crossing is in the distance
As the sun peaks out from behind the mountains
Parting the mist hanging in the air.

January 1, 2014

Fresh onion and garlic

Sizzling in sweet butter

The sweet smell

Of home.